The problems with useless “support” systems becoming severe.

I have been having a rough time with my so-called caregivers. All they are concerned about is making excuses . They don’t do their job and more often then not don’t show up. I have to walk at least a mile. Take a bus ride for at least sixty minutes. Because they refuse to take me to the bank. I can literally feel their indfference laziness self obserption and disregard for those they are supposed to care for. I have told and told them I need proof of income. Wich they refuse to provide and told me repeatedly to go to Social security to get it. Even thouggh that same person was their when Social security refused to provide it. I explained the trouble with the stupid payee and they did nothing. Social security did nothing. Last winter my apartment was freezing. As bitter cold inside as it was outdoors. I have told and begged my so-called “support system” about it and they have done nothing. The landlord refuses to repair the broken aincient heater. All I get is the same crap that I got last year. From the same people. I can’t go through another winter like that. My depression is severe and I have had had suicidal ideation every day and night. With they ignore. It is becoming so hard for me to perform daily tasks on my own that survival is questionable.All the “caregivers” give a crap about is billing my insurance. The same insurance that won’t cover the medical treatment that I probably need to save my life. Oh, I realize Autistics are the most hated group of people on earth And I am supposed to shut up and die quietly. I’m a burden!! I’m a plague! I’m a nuisance! How dare I have the nerve to live!!!! I am worried about my poor cat. What will happen to her. I could take my last breath today. Either by my lung condition or suicide. How many would be happy if I did? Can’t go on like this. Am going without basic things needed to function due to a lack of funds. Family does not help. Am I really the worst person alive? Worse than any violent criminal? One of my lungs has already collapsed it feels like. Do you think an inmate in prison of an illegal refugee would be going without medical treatment? All the screaming about those poor souls in other countries. (Other than Haiti bless the Hurricane Mathew survivors) Okay. I get it. I need to get the hell out of this world. I am not welcome here. Not easy being that hated. But who do I think I am!???? Bin Laden was bad. But they treated him in an American hospital in Dubi. Am I worse than him?? I’m not a terrorist!!!! No. I’m worse. I’m an Autistic. God and all His heaven forbid. If “God” exists then how do you explain Autistics?  No wait. Evolution would have wiped us out. It would have done the right thing. Gotten rid of all of us “crazies.” How can NT’s be like this? The “caregivers” are not coming back. Why should I put myself through that? Might call the landlord about the heat but what’s the point? Am so alone and struggling. Cannot take the mockery exploitation and lies any longer. It is already getting chilly. Is anyone else on the spectrum going through this? Contacted tha Salvation army about the heat but they will not do anything. The National suicide lifeline will only help so much. Won’t change my living circumstances. Well, nobody will read this. I’m “talking” to myself.  Are there any real caregivers out there? If there are they don’t live here. Need to make a phone call.

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